It was a typical
day in the Authoress realm—normal, no; typical, yes. The Gundam Boys were hanging around after Duo’s song parody
seeing as…well, Wufei had a few major “issues” he wished to so *politely* point
out, and refused to leave until he did so:
Wufei: <ranting somewhere along
the lines of why “onnas” shouldn’t own their own computers…>
It might be noted
that everyone had *long* since stopped listening to him, preferably around the
time he started switching between English and Chinese.
Quatre/Duo/Heero/Trowa:
<engaged
in a riveting game of “Castle”¹ to keep themselves occupied. >
Me: <scribbling furiously on
a notepad>
Duo: What *are* you writing,
anyhow?
Me: <looks up from
notebook> Let’s put it this way:
Karma’s working too slow today, so I decided to work my own revenge…
G-boys (minus
Wufei):
O…kay…
Wufei: <without missing a
beat> …are you listening to me, onna?
Me: <doesn’t even bother
looking back up> No. <scribbles a few more notes down, then holds out
notebook in triumph> Finished!
Wufei: What now?
Me: <walks over to computer,
and sits down> Another song Parody—to a song from “Mulan”
Duo/Heero/Trowa/Quatre: …it’s about Wufei, isn’t
it?
Me: yup; Someone wrote me a review
last time saying there was *no* way I could write a parody for all you pilots,
so of course, I took it as a challenge. Plus, someone else requested I do Wufei
next…so…<makes “^_^” face> I did!
Wufei: WHAT?!?
Me: <smirks> Maybe *this*
will shut him up.
Wufei: <glaring> I’ll get
you for this, onna
Me: yeah, yeah…that’s what they
all say. Chibi-Chibi! Chibi-Quatre!
Start the Music!
**cue the music**
Give it to be
baby (uh-huh, uh-huh) Give it to be baby…
Wrong music.
Chibi-Quatre: (v/o) Sorry!
Duo: Aww…
**cue the RIGHT
music**
Let’s get down
to business-I got a tale to tell
‘Bout the Gundam
Pilot who’s been known to yell
Wufei: KISAMA!
Me: yeah, kinda like that.
He’s the biggest
pig I ever met,
But you can bet,
before I’m through
I’ll make a
gentleman out of ‘Wu…
Duo: She’s got her work cut out
for her…
Wufei: <muttering incoherently
in Chinese>
Subtle as a train wreck,
Ranting on and
on
Once he serves
his “justice,”
Then he’s
sud’nly gone
You’re a
chauvinist, loud, obnoxious boy
And you haven’t
got a clue
Mr.
Know-to-worship-Nataku…
Wufei: yeah…your point?
Me: Nataku is a *female* war
goddess.²
Wufei: …
Others: <snicker>
(Wufei: I
soon won’t forget this, onna)
(Me: You
know that you don’t scare me, Wuffie)
(Quatre:
Boy, I have to say she’s got valor…)
Duo: What’s that?
Quatre: Guts.
Duo: Oh…
(Wufei: Where the hell’s that damn katana?)
(Trowa:
He’s starting to act a bit like Yuy…)
Heero: <raises an eyebrow>
(Duo:*while
munching popcorn* This is getting pretty
good—let’s do some more!)
(Be a man)
You soon will learn the phrase
“chivalry”
Wufei: <scowling, arms
folded> Chivalry is dead.
(Be a man)
Respect to women
is what you’ll give
(Be a man)
‘cause if not,
you can be sure to remember;
Don’t mess with
PMS—plus, we all know where you live!
Heero/Trowa/Quatre: <sweatdropping>…
Wufei: <starting to look a
little nervous>
Duo: <keeling over with
laugher> Justice really *is* served!
Wufei: Duo no baka!
You learned your first mistake,
boy—with Meiran, you wife
Duo: <eyes wide> his…WHAT?!?
Heed this
crucial lesson, commem’rate her life
You get caught
up in the rage of war
And forget just
why you fight
You just always
insist that you’re right
Me/Duo: <Wufei a la Mike Rhea>
I’M RIGHT, I’M ALWAYS RIGHT!
Wufei: <frantically searching
for his katana>
(Be a man)
Don’t go
rampaging and screaming “Injustice”
(Be a man)
You’ll learn that not everybody is weak
Wufei: <muttering off a list of
just exactly who *is* weak> …and Maxwell, and damn Authoresses who write
stupid parodies, and Jerry Springer…
(Be a man)
If someone stands up to, and slaps, you in outrage
Put away the
damn sword, and turn the other cheek
Wufei: That’s gotta be the
*dumbest* advice I’ve ever heard
Me: <shrugs> Don’t look
at me; it’s in the Bible.
Wufei: …I’m BUDDHIST, dammit!
(Be a man)
There’s this
thing that’s called chivalry
(Be a man)
Contrary to
belief, it’s *not* dead
(Be a man)
Learn it well, my dear Shenlong G-pilot
Or next time, I
swear, it’s going to be your head…
**Music Ends**
Wufei: <opens his mouth to say
something, then thinks better and closes it, choosing to remain silent>
Duo: <gives it a standing
ovation> Encore! Encore! Enc—
Others: <quickly cover his
mouth> Baka! Don’t give her any ideas!
Me: Oh, you don’t have to worry
about that; I still have Heero, Trowa, and Qua-chan to do
Heero/Trowa/Quatre: -_-()
Me: <turns back to
computer> I’ve already got Quatre’s song lined up—I just need to come up
with the paradox…<starts humming the tune>
Quatre: Wait a sec…that’s not what
I *think* it is…is it?
Me: <still humming>
Duo: <on the floor again>
IT IS! IT IS! AND IT FITS, TOO! <laughing hysterically>
Wufei: <muttering something
about Justice>
Quatre: <sweatdropping> Oh,
no…
________________________________________________________________
¹ “Castle” is a
really near card game that some of my restarant co-workers taught me one night
after-hours. It’s kinda of like a cross between poker and Uno, and it’s a
lot of fun to play; I ended up staying out until two in the morning that night!
^_^
² There’s
a little dispute over whether or not “Nataku” is actually a female war-goddess,
or a legendary warrior hero. I’ve heard both rumors, but for the sake of
humor in the fic, let’s just pretend that it’s the former, okay?
________________________________________________________________